Alone and lost

My trainer has been travelling due to his work a lot and the last lesson with him I had in June.
Since that I have been very lost.
My problem is that I try this and that and this again. I kind of try to find a special key or magic which would fix all the problems once,would make my horse a flying unicorn and we would fly away to the sun rise.
Well,I have not been able to find the magic key yet. And I am so lost.

I did have three lessons on my horses with my trainers son. Both of my boys were practically flying on his lesson.We practiced stopping with spur and in this way making the horse to tilt the pelvis. Never have I felt Ocsi moving so well. He was half a meter shorter and it felt like sitting on a ball.

Both my horses turned into them selves after the lesson.Small,normal lipizzans with their flat trots and problems. So,no magic key then there either...

I am angry and disapointed to myself.I should know better already.It needs a lot of work an patient to train a horse.I often find myself being unfair to Ocsi. He is ridden so little and looking back now,has done enormous  steps in his schooling.Still,I rarely feel satisfied with him or my work with him.This is were I need eyes on the ground. Not just any eyes,but Ms eyes. He made me work relaxed and well. Alone I am lost.

There was a small magical key in the spur-stopping. I did actually give me a great tool to make more balanced halts especially with Ocsi cause no hand is needed. And with Cseles I have got few really nice trot collecting by hugging with the leg. The horse is thinking about the tilting the pelvis and the butt comes under.

We did this practise combined with shoulder-in on a circle and then forwards. Today I got a short ball-feeling-moment with Ocsi after doing the exercise good with Ocsi,so maybe the nirvana will one day reach us?

Why I then dont train with Ms son?
I do adore him. If I could adopt him,I would.Such a nice guy with no ego.
But there is something I do not like in his riding. Its a lot of spur. Surprise? And he do not consentrate on relaxing the jaw and he is more modern than M. I feel the horses should be worked much more slower. But what do I know? At the moment I think I know nothing.
I watch great videos in youtube,read great books and go to get fustrated while riding.

There has even been several days when I have lost the burn to ride. I have lost the flow,which I used to have and the worst thing in it is,that I blame my horses. Ocsi I think is just so autistic and not hot etc, and Cseli is broken. What has happened with me? Where is the joy? Where is my feel for my horses?
Is it lost under the every day worries and stress? I doubt that,since riding used to be my meditation.

Is it lost due to cruel riding I have witnessed in Spain? Bleeding sides of horses,bleeding mouths sometimes, knacking temporo-mandibular joints,Schoolmasters sunken back,lame horses,horses who stand inside several days,a three year old getting whipped until the whip breaks up due to him being scared of entering the arena...

Pulling,kicking,sweat,whip... I used to be so against all that and terrified. Am I getting numb?  Blind? Is ego getting over me? Do I also want to have flashy hot PREs which you can make fly by force?
Nothing beautiful has never come out from force.

Then why I ride with anger? (Now speaking about Ocsi,who I am in trouble with.) Dont get me wrong. My horses dont bleed,but there is a big change in my own attitude,which makes me sick,terrified and disapointed. I am alone and lost.
It is all so important for me. I have used years and years for riding. I wanted so much and I enjoyed it. And my dream was to move to Spain to get good training. Did I find it? Yes and no. Absolutely yes for changing my horses completely. I have learned so so so much. And no in some ways I cannot put in words.
Sorry,about such a unclear post. Its hard to put my thoughts written as they are not clear in my head either.



I feel I need to find a quiet place where I would not be exposed to any kind of harsh training. A place where someone tells me how to train my horses exactly and not be left alone.I need a clear pedagogic approach and system as I am a very hard working cerebral student.I need someone to give me confidence  As obviously,I get nuts when left alone. I loose my mind and probably do more harm than good.
Mostly harm for myself.As I need the burn to ride,the flow and the meditation which I have got from my horses over years and years. Now I have been after something else. And that is the problem. I am lost and alone.

It is HOT!

I have not had time to write so much. Been too busy juggling with moving,child care and horses.
But now I have a moment to write down my thoughts.

I did not ride Ocsi in Ms lessons for over half a year, but the schoolmaster Caiman has an eye problem and  resting,so I took Ocsi under Ms eye yesterday and today.
We spoke about his problems with relaxing the jaw. I have a had a period when I did not consentrate to it so much and now he isquite flexible in his body and neck,but quiet in his mouth.
M said there is two kind of chomping the bit. One,when the horse just plays with the bit which is not desirable and the second when the impulsion created from behind creates the releasing of the jaw.
Difficult to explain,but I understand what he means.
I have ridden horses,which are very playful with their tongue. Mine are not this type. Cseles starts chomping when I ask one of his behind legs under.
Ocsi is not yet so through with displacement of the individual behind legs,but when I get it  in walk,he moves the bit.

Last time I rode Ocsi under Ms eye,he was very raw. He struggled due to his reverse neck. He was running and on his forehand. Especially the canter was a disaster. He could not lift right canter and when he did canter,it was huge. No control.
Now it is a changed horse. Especially the canter. He can collect and change the weight to behind and practically canter on the spot.
Amazing feeling!
It was very good to have eyes on the ground.M asked for more impulsion in trot and walk and made sure I released my hand the second the horse was good.
In canter we did serpentine with the change through trot or walk. And oh my,oh my,what a canter!

In the beginning with both horses I need to see they work enough round,are flexible and using their backs. We do in walk and trot all lateral work on a circle. Then I ride them forwards and then we do canter.

Cseles is still practising his changes which is difficult for him. My problem is that he is faster than me and offers a change when he thinks it should be done. This is when he leaves the behind.
We do changes in different places of the arena after checking the canter is round and active,he is flexible in the poll and soft in his mouth. Only when the quality of canter is good,he can make a good change.
This sounds simple but it is not with this horse.

I think with Ocsi the changes will not be so difficult. He has no earlier problems like Cseles and he has now a very good quality canter.

I am very happy now with both horses work and going to take the advice of my super trainer and celebrate todays achievements with two beers.:D

Days like this makes all the work worth. I may not have the most easiest horses with conformation,but they teach me tons.

I am back

Well,hello there nobody!

Writing a blog for no followers is safe.You can be as nuts as you like,write as bad English as you can and enjoy your sense of humor without being accused to abuse your horses.I think I am going to like this!

What I miss is the smileys and conversation,but you can never have it all,can you?

I started this blog already when my horses came to Spain,but decided then to continue in EE. Now I think I want to write down some thoughts about my training again.

I have been sick for a long time,so my horses have had a lot of free time or just running in lunge.Some riding and then back to sick bed.But finally last week I have started again.
Next month I start the lessons with M again.Cannot wait!

I have had a lot of time to think and study and plan how to work with my autistic swan Ocsi. I started to cut everything in very small pieces to make it extra simple for him. I use jaw flexions in his box before work and teach him to tilt his pelvis in hand.
I think he has made a huge improvement.The second he looses the softness in ridden,I stop or slow down and correct it before continuing. It goes quite slow forwards,but for him the relaxation of the jaw works like a key in a lock.
With soft jaw,he does correct lateral work,is responsive and in trot has soft back where it is easy to sit. (I guess mainly lipizzaner owners know what it feels like...)

He gets also better from canter lifts.

Now I finally feel,I know how to get through him.

He also got shoes to his behind legs and as with Cseles,there has been a big improvement with the grip he gets from the ground.

Cseles I rode couple of times and he has in overall got stronger from behind and I can get him to chomp the bit during walk,trot and canter.
The relaxed mouth and chomping,really is an answer to everything.I feel that only then the horse gives himself to you and actually is ridable.

I am really excited about the progress with both of them in short time and now am going to get them both back to full work before next months lessons.That means lunging and in-hand work and short ridden sessions.

Here couple of photos of my ugly ducgling auttistic swan Ocsi,who isnt so ugly anymore.